LOVE, FEAR AND HOPE: The Valentine’s Dilemma

It’s February again, the season of red roses, candlelit dinners, and heart-shaped everything. Book-now getaway vacations, order-now gift baskets, and other extravagant gestures are all over social media. But beneath all the romance, something else lurks.

For some, Valentine’s is a season of hope: “Maybe if I do this, they’ll love me more.” It’s a season of fear for others: “If I don’t do something, they might leave.” It’s funny how, even in love, these two emotions dance side by side.
Valentine’s Day is supposed to celebrate love, but if we’re being honest, love isn’t the only emotion we feel in this season.

There is the fear of loneliness, the fear of disappointing or losing someone, and the fear of not being enough. On the other hand, there’s hope, a kind of hope that somewhat emanates from fear, but it’s still hope. Hope that a special gesture will make love grow, that this year will be different, and that love will last. A hope that I will not be alone again on this day this year. 

Different actions, tactics, and moves are made to win the day and the season, but it’s amazingly funny how this season dedicated to love, fear, and hope often takes center stage.

I have had my fair share of the above scenarios, but today we are not talking about me. Allow me to introduce to you James (Jay), Linda (Li), and Khondwani (Kho) ( fiction names) 

The Fearful Giver: Jay’s Dilemma

James has found himself in a predicament. His girlfriend Daisy has been dropping hints about Valentine’s plans for weeks now; you know, expensive restaurant dinners, designer gifts, something “Instagram-worthy.”

James loves Daisy, but is it enough? Deep down, he isn’t about to buy the roses out of love; he’s doing it out of fear, fear of the outcomes if he doesn’t impress her. 

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.” 1 John 4:18

Yet, here he was, ready to self-sabotage and injure his bank account going all the way out, not out of love per se but out of the anxiety of losing her.

The Hopeful Dreamer: Li’s Expectations

Linda has been dating Sam for six months. She isn’t the kind to expect much in a relationship, but Valentine’s feels somewhat important. She’s well-principled and a church girl. Her philosophy is to do unto others what you would like to be done unto you, even though their relationship has been lacking spacks; it’s just been mmmh okay. She now has a simple hope: “Maybe if I plan something special, he’ll see how much I love him. Maybe it’ll bring us closer, and he will reciprocate it more.”

So she takes him out for dinner at his favorite restaurant (ku SANA, lol), got him a thoughtful gift, and wrote a heartfelt letter (zima paragraph). Unlike James, she isn’t afraid of losing him, but she does hope that her love will be enough to strengthen their bond and soon begin to talk about marriage. 

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:7

But hope can be dangerous, too. What if he didn’t appreciate it? What if she cared more than he did? Unfortunately for Li, Sam just wanted to get his hands in the cookie jar, which was the climax of their date that night. After a wonderful date, Li gave in to his advances after 6 months, and that marked the day they drifted far apart even after bonding so intimately. Sam had finally gotten what he came for. 

The Fearful Avoider: Kho’s Escape Plan

Kondwani hated Valentine’s Day. The pressure. The expectations. The overhyped romance. It was safer to avoid it altogether.

His last relationship ended because of this exact problem. He wasn’t “romantic enough,” she said. Now, in a new relationship, he found himself in the same situation. His girlfriend, Lisa, was subtly asking about plans, and Kho was afraid; afraid of disappointing her, afraid of being rejected, and afraid of risking his bank account. Kho is a workaholic and very economical with his finances, so instead of facing it, he pulled away. He told her he’d be busy with work and gave her a lecture on how Valentine’s Day is just like any other day; he basically pretended it didn’t matter. But deep down, he knew he was letting fear drive his actions.

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” — 2 Timothy 1:7

Man Kho ndi adolo, but maybe running wasn’t the answer.

The no-strings-attached Lover: God’s Ultimate Plan

Looking at these stories, it’s clear that love takes many forms, thus

• Some love with hope, believing their effort will strengthen the bond.
• Some love with fear, afraid that without a grand gesture, love will slip away.
• Some avoid love altogether, fearing failure more than they desire connection.

Who are you, or who have you once been? Are you Jay, Li, or Kho? Let me know in the comments!

While grand gestures have their place in relationships, love comes with responsibility. It should never be a transaction; don’t give out of fear of losing someone or in the hope of receiving more love in return. No, true love is secure.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.” – John 3:16

This wasn’t a transactional act; God didn’t give to get something in return. He gave out of love. True love is naturally expressed through giving, but it should always pass the fear and hope heart check. Are you giving out of love or out of fear and expectation?

Lately, one song has been on my playlist this February, “Love Me First” by Chidinma. In a way, it beautifully captures the essence of 1 John 4:19 in modern terms: “We love because He first loved us.”

I truly believe that fully understanding God’s love for you will shape your decisions and emotions this Valentine’s season. When love is rooted in God’s love and self-acceptance, we won’t feel the need to love out of fear or insecurity. Instead, we will understand that true love isn’t built on desperation or anxious hope; it’s built on confidence, trust, and selflessness.

This Valentine’s season, ask yourself:

• Am I doing this out of love or out of fear?
• Am I giving freely, or am I hoping for something in return?
• Am I avoiding love because I fear being hurt or rejected?

True love, the kind that lasts, doesn’t come from grand gestures or expensive gifts. It comes from knowing that you are already loved, first by God, then by yourself, and then by others. 1 John 4:19

So whether you’re planning a surprise, writing a heartfelt letter, or simply spending time with someone you care about, do it out of love, not fear. And if you’re still waiting for love, let hope lead you, but never let fear control you. Remember, Fear-based giving leads to resentment, and hope without reality checks leads to disappointment.”

At the end of the day, love isn’t just about February 14th. It’s about every day after that. Love isn’t measured by a single day’s gestures but by the consistency of every day after. 

Side note

Celebrate love within your budget, and don’t let social media or friends pressure you into unnecessary spending. Gents, hear me out! There is life after the 14th! Be thoughtful about your choices; times have changed, and so has our environment. (Malawi)

Teddy bears are cute. Perfumes and dinners are nice, but, let’s be real, a set of essentials, 5 little cooking oils, the pangoline tomato, and other grocery lists and other thoughtful, practical gifts might be more appreciated. If she’s truly a keeper, she’ll value the thought behind the gift more than anything else. I just gave y’all a Valentine’s hack; aahh, y’all need to pay me for these gems! 😂

Anyway, Happy Valentine’s Day from the Orange City! 🧡

Remember to drop a comment: Are you Jay, Li, or Kho? And if you enjoyed this, share it on your social media and tag me! Let’s spread the love! ❤️