NURSING UNDEFINED WOUND
Hey FAM, how are you today? I hope and trust you had a wonderful week full of blessings and love and that you’re reading this in your sound health.
So today I wanted us to talk about something interesting and common but with a little twist in approach. I call this episode the story behind the story. You know how there’s always a story behind the main story (my fellow journalists gets it). Okay let me clarify that, journalists are said to be people that always expose the truth right or supposedly, well ever heard of filters or gatekeepers? Journalist are the very people that mithe the truth; they will only tell you part of the story they reckon as important with editors and managers final say on what should be let out and what should be obscured.
Okay let’s focus on today’s topic here……the real story about HER, and it might just be fair if we touch HIS side of the story. LET’S TALK ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like journalists, we all have stories behind the obvious story of our lives and while barehead stories might look awesome and shinny, usually such isn’t the case with “the story behind the story” about HER and therefore the need to go behind the scenes before being attracted to the obvious story.
Just as journalist filter their stories, so do most people when it comes to issues of breakups and hence the need to dig deep before accepting their side of the truth.
Let me take you back a bit and explain the story behind this blog post. So initially this week I was going to start a new topic called breaks-ups, I was really excited to dig deep into this but my editor was like naaa, not happening, hahaha not literally, but she asked me few questions and made some suggestions on how best to approach this, “start it from the top david, wangofikila how to manage breakups why, can’t you first erraborate some major causes of breakups etc,” she said. And in my head I was like “woman why don’t you just do your job, edit what I have sent you and let’s get this over with this”, my backing being breakup reasons are subjective and way too diverse. The call ended, I saved my document and shut down my PC knowing my document wasn’t coming back to me edited but rather I have to write it again.
A day or two went by and I still didn’t start the new story because I felt it was impossible to generalize breakup reasons, until last night in a random whatsapp conversation with someone and she said these words “I don’t want someone to nurse wounds they don’t really understand, I need to heal first”. Yooooh I received an electric brain wave shock by these words and in that moment I found my most general reason for break up. These sisters need time to heal (sister do you understand me, you need time to heal). so MEN, before we even think of pursuing her, let’s check their stories first; is she mentally, emotionally and spiritually health; has she healed from all previous wounds and bruises or we setting ourselves up as doctors to nurse wounds we don’t understand. Of Couse same principle applies to men yes. They also need to heal.
In my few years of being a young leader running a youth ministry and dealing with young people, I discovered that we all need healing, even during the “youngster” phase, most of us have gone through and are still going through some of the most damaging phases of life. We have been tortured, bruised, wounded mentally, emotionally and even spiritually and these things didn’t just come from our so called EX-boy/girlfriends but pretty much from all sources you can think of, be it friends, family, the church and any other place we find ourselves in fellowship with. They have all had a heavy drop on us. We must always acknowledge that our souls need a lift and our lives need healing. Now the big problem is, with most of us we are young and foolish in our thinking and we search for healing in wrong places not realizing we’re only digging our own graves.
Now when it comes to relationships, in most people the cycle is almost the same hurt and heal in the next relationship which has resulted even more breakups. It’s not that this new person is bad or anything it’s just that they are nursing wounds they don’t understand and instead of healing the wound they are only infecting it even more and eventually making it putrid.
A story is told of the 20th President of America James A. Garfield who was shot died. The fascinating thing about this story is President Garfield did not die due to the bullet shot, but rather due to poor treatment from his doctors who failed to remove the bullet from his abdomen. So many things happened in trying to remove this bullet, the best doctors in America at that time attended to the President, but instead of making things better and saving his life, they all made things worse.
The doctors tortured the president with more digital probing’s and many surgical attempts which widened the 3 inch wound to 20inch-long incision, beginning at his ribs and extending to his groin. It soon became a super-infected outridden gash of human flesh.
Dr howard markel
What started out as a gunshot wound grew into something big and ended up taking the life of Garfield 80 days after he was shot. In his final post mortem analysis, cause of death was described as sepsis, which is a Greek verb for “to rot”. The dirty hands and fingers of the doctors are often blamed as a vehicle that imported infections into Garfield’s body (by the way the doctors in this age did not believe in the science of germs, bacteria and all, so am guessing obviously they were no grooves being used and other safety clean measures )
Why did I go through the trouble of explaining that story, well here is the connection with our focus today; basically these doctors attending to President Garfield where nursing a wound they did not understand. So for 3 months what they were doing was trial and error and they erred indeed.
Just like modern times when we get into a relationship where one person has not completely healed, we deal with bullet wounds from whose shooter is long gone and we become president Garfield doctors, trying to remove the pains/insecurities, attitudes, mood swings (bullets) that our partners have sustained and like these doctors we think we can pull them out, though not sure how. In the end instead of healing that person we’ve opened the 2inch wound into 20inches and introduced a lot of bacteria to it, we can’t close it, then life gets real and 3/4 months later break up is the only option.
What am I saying, MEN? LET HER HEAL, SISTER DON’T RUSH YOU NEED TO HEAL. I know with men we sometimes feel like we are Trey songs or love doctors and we can handle anything, well even the best doctors from most powerful nations on earth were ignorant of their profession, you’re not any smarter. We could save ourselves a lot of pain & hurts if we embraced our single hood and let ourselves heal from all types of wounds we’ve experienced in life, we need to close up these wounds before allowing someone else in our lives, someone who has no idea of the genesis of these wounds.
Let me finish with a quote from the most amazing Deliwe makata.
“It would be a great injustice for me to shove all my emotional garbage on mwana wa eni ake, no I need to deal with me first before I allow mwana wa eni into my life”
Deliwe Makata
That’s it y’all… Be there next week when we will delve much on how we can manage breakups and find ourselves in happy relationships again
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